Since my kids started their vacations, I feel like I have been sleeping a lot. Like for instance, the nigth from sunday to monday. I slept from 8 pm to 9 am. I actually woke up at six, like almost every day -the “almost” is earlier, not later- but there was no coffee here in my house, so I thought “I am going to wait for one hour, and go to the supermarket for coffee and eggs” (which we did’nt have any either)
So, I took my lap top and began reading some stuff on the web, and of course I felt asleep, and when I opened my eyes, it was almost 9.
What?!! I felt instant guilt.
|Orestes pursuid by the Furies. The Furies represent the guilt of killing his mother.
Not that would happend to me.
But why, my Lord, why on Earth would I feel guilty about? Is not like I did something bad, or I hurted somebody in my sleep. Is not like my children are all starving because I haven’t had the decency to gave the breakfast. They were still sleeping, and so was the father.
I don’t know why I almost allways have this guilty feelings all over me. No mather how good I am, or how much I try to make things right, the feelings are like this shadow hanging over me.
I find extremely hard to go to sleep at night feeling that I made good use of the hours God gave that day. Could it be catholicism acting on me? Would it be that I almost don´t spend any time with my children, even If I can?
|Maybe I’m not bearing my Cross…|
But is not like they want to be with me!! When the ask me to be with them, I go, I don´t play, but I go. If they want to go to the park, or the ball place, sure I take them. If they want anything of their needs to be resolved, anything, of course they have me right there.
The pill actually helps me with the guilty feelings, but not completly.
|Sure they help, but I don’t feel enough help|